Unlock the Secrets of Feeling Truly Loved

Get ready to explore the sweet spots that will make your heart sing.

Dear friends, good afternoon! Welcome everyone to ReadVault Club, I am Tom Niklas, a seasoned writer and book reviewer. Please subscribe to me and join us in reading 52 books a year together.

Last week was Valentine's Day, and I don't know if you all felt the romance and love. Today, I want to share a bestselling book about intimate relationships called "Feeling Loved: The Science of Nurturing Meaningful Connections and Building Lasting Happiness".

Why did I choose this book? Well, the author's story moved me. She's a psychologist, and you know, during the development of psychology, there was a peak focused on drug therapy. During that time, people tended to study how drugs impacted psychological treatment - take a certain pill, and your mood instantly improves, and so on. As drugs kept advancing and more papers were published about them, many psychologists at the time even changed careers. They figured there was nothing left to research since people could just take meds instead of getting psychotherapy from them.

Well, this married couple were both psychologists. In 1996, their child, who had depression, tragically took her own life by jumping off a building. The mother said they had put too much faith in medication, giving their kid all sorts of psychiatric drugs. But no amount of drugs could save their child's life. After the incident, these parents faced immense pressure, waking up each morning reliving that horrible experience filled with anguish.

Until one day, she told herself, "If I'll feel this way for the rest of my life, so be it." She used that approach to liberate herself, and thought, "Since I'll be living in this pain every day, I might as well make peace with it." So she picked up psychology research again, no longer believing medication alone could help people. She wondered how psychological communication and connection could improve patients' well-being.

And what topics did this book cover? As we’ve talked about the books before in ReadVault Club, we've covered how to love others more, and how to be more giving. But this book challenged a topic we've never touched on - how to feel loved.

The author said her whole family deeply loved their daughter. No one in the family would ever think they didn't love her. They made so many sacrifices and spent time with her. As a psychologist herself, she felt they did everything a parent could. But the child never felt that love.

So the author spent the rest of her life researching how a person can feel loved. Why do some people struggle with this? How can we solve this issue? Or taking it a further step - could we be those people, who cannot feel loved, which makes us unhappy?

The book opens with a case study of a young woman named Monica, one of the author's patients. She had a serious physical illness and a big problem - a terrible relationship with her boyfriend that the therapist could see was impacting her health condition.

One day, the hospital called urging her to come quickly as Monica had taken a turn for the worse and was in critical condition. She rushed to see her patient, and upon entering the room, found Monica sitting up excitedly. She said, "Quick, close the door, I’m going to tell you something!" She had broken up with her unloving boyfriend, saying, "I've met a man who truly loves me."

Can you imagine - this woman's body was already failing, she was close to the end, yet she claimed to have met a man she truly loved. She spoke passionately about their romance, saying they'd get married, travel together, and so on. For someone with her severe illness, that romantic spark was quite something.

The author knew her physical state since the hospital had already issued a critical condition notice saying she wasn't going to make it. So She consoled and encouraged her, saying, "Oh, that's great."

Surprisingly, a few months later, the young woman recovered. She did go travel. Over time, she had a few more health setbacks - sometimes hospitalized, and receiving long-term treatment. But her new boyfriend stayed by her side, showing immense care and concern. Monica concluded that the remarkable turnaround in her health, that miracle, had to be connected to romantic love and the intense love she felt. Her previous physical decline was deeply tied to her emotional relationships.

So today, let's explore - what is love? How can we feel loved?

You know, every single one of us is controlled by two feelings every day - love and fear. It's one or the other - if you're not living in love today, chances are you're living in fear.